Thank You Dr. Dartt and Colleagues

Dr. Dartt and Colleagues,

I want to take a minute to thank Dr. Dartt and all of my Colleagues for sharing their thoughts, comments and providing me with questions that have caused me to learn more about the communication process.  I have definitely learned that there is much more to communicating effectively than what I thought previously. With the knowledge I have gained, I will be able to look at situations differently as I now have a better understanding of how things may be interpreted differently.  Further, I will take with me the knowledge I have gained about working in groups that I previously was unaware of.  As I move on to my specialization courses, I look forward to working with some of you again and I wish all of you the best as you move forward.  Once again I thank each and every one of you for helping me to grow in the area of effective communication. 

Randee 

Adjourning

Adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork as it allows the team members to reflect on accomplishments and failures (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012). Further, the adjourning stage provides the opportunity for team members to decide if they will continue as a group and take on different project or if they will dissolve the group (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  As I reflect on the groups that I have been a part of I can honestly say that when the time is over that we will meet in a group is often sad.  A group experience that comes to mind is when I was taking an undergraduate class and our class was broken into groups for the entire semester.  In these groups we worked together to complete mini skits that we performed for the class.  Our group worked well together and even met outside of class time in order to work in our groups.  When the semester came to an end we had a big get together celebration as we knew we would be moving on to other classes and the group would officially dissolve (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  This was hard as we had all formed and developed friendships as we worked together and we knew more than likely we would not see each other on a regular basis.  We would have to independently contact each other in order to be together.  Even though we no longer work together on class studies many of us formed friendship and will occasionally meet up for dinner (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012). I imagine that I will adjourn from the colleagues that I have formed by wishing them the best of luck in their future endeavors.  I also believe that I will be able to keep in contact with my colleagues through email and other online sources.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Conflict

The most recent conflict that comes to mind is one that has occurred with my husband and me. We have some rental properties and recently there are some tenants that have not been paying their rent properly.  This is a very frustrating issue for me as I strongly believe when individuals do not pay their rent they need to get out as I do not think that we should pay for others to live in our rental properties.  This generally is a sensitive subject and I tend to get strong headed and just continuously state, “You need to get rid of the non-payers and those who do not pay their rent in full.”

In this situation, I think that it is important for me to take the time to respect and listen to my husband’s thoughts on the situation instead of just insisting on kicking them out.  I personally want to kick out all of them and my husband’s suggest that he agrees but it does not make sense to kick them all out at once.  That we need to start with the ones that are not paying anything because at least we are receiving some rent from the partial payers.  When I am calmed down I can see his point on the situation and that a compromise would make the situation much better.  NVC would play an important role as it would allow me to differentiate feelings from thinking so I do not judge or blame him for the situation (The Center for Non-violent Communication, 2007).  After all it is not his fault that the tenants are not paying their rent in the manner they should and he also does not want to allow the individuals to reside in the home if they are not paying appropriately.    

Reference:

The Center for Non-Violent Communication. (2007).   Nonviolent Communication is.  Retrieved

            from https://www.cnvc.org/Training/NVC-Concepts

Similarities and Differences

The two individuals that evaluated me as a communicator were my husband and a colleague.  All three of our evaluations were very similar and classified me in the same category, however, my husband evaluated my communication anxiety a little higher than my colleague and myself.  He also rated my aggressiveness a little higher than my colleague and myself.  I assume that his higher ratings on the two scales are because he is around me more.  As far as the aggressiveness scale being a point higher, I would assume it is because I am more comfortable in my home environment which would allow me to be more aggressive.  Further, I found it interesting to learn that my listening style good interfere with proper judgment because I am very trusting of others.  Overall, I did find these evaluations to be very interesting, where I placed in the scoring is completely true of who I am for all three.  I am definitely people oriented, my anxiety in communication is definitely situational, as it only sparks in public or group situations and I have never been verbally aggressive to others.  The evaluations have confirmed what I already knew.  I definitely need to work on becoming stronger and getting over my anxiety of speaking publicly.  

Communicating

I definitely find myself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures.  When I communicate with others I must communicate in a way that they will understand.   I would not talk to those at the store the same as I would my family.  This would be because I most likely would not know the individual at the store, therefore, I would keep my communication more on a formal level instead of a personal level.  When I am at home I am able to communicate more freely, however, it is still important to let my family members know that I understand what they are telling me.  I also recognize that I communicate differently with children than with adults.  This is essential as the level that I communicate with adults would be too much for children to understand.  Further, my communication with parents that I work with on a daily basis is also different than how I would communicate with other adults.  In this situation, I must ensure that they recognize that I understand their needs as parents and I am willing to work with them as a partner to ensure the best outcome for their child or children.  It is important to consider the thoughts, feelings background, perspectives, attitudes and values of the other individuals that I communicate with as it will lead to better communication (Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011). 

The three strategies that I have learned this week that I believe will help me to communicate more effectively are that body language can tell me a lot (Gonzalez-Mena, 2010).  For example, when I know that I need to set up a conference with a parent about their child, I know when a parent comes to pick up their child and their body language clearly states that they are in a rush and unable to talk that this would not be the time to converse with them about setting up a conference.  Second, I can ask questions or paraphrase what I have talked about.  By using these techniques I will be able to make sure I understand what we have talked about and it will let the person I am communicating with know that I also understand.  Finally, It is important that I am mindful of others and that I recognize that my view is not the only view because cultural differences are amongst us.  Further, it is important that I consider other peoples point of view or worldview when communicating (Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011).   These are just three strategies that will help me to adapt to cultural differences which will allow better communication to prevail.

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to

others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Is What We See, Really What We See?

The television show that I chose to watch was Modern Family with the title, The Day We Almost Died  http://abc.go.com/shows/modern-family/episode-guide/season-06/611-the-day-we-almost-died.  I have not watched this show in the past, so to say the least, I was very confused at what I was watching.  I watched the show twice without sound trying to make sense out of what I was watching.  I was definitely confused, however, I was surprised both at what I was able to pick up and at what I was way off course on, as I watched the show without sound.  I will share what five scenes appeared to be and then I will share what actually was happening in the five scenes.  Please keep in mind that there were several other scenes. 

Watching Modern family with the sound turned off: 

As the show began it appeared to be one big family riding in a mini-van.  The father was driving while listening and singing to the radio, the mother was texting or talking on her phone and the four kids were doing their own thing in the back seat.  Several of the family appeared to be telling the dad to turn the radio down, all with faces of disgust.  The mother reached over and shut the radio off a couple of times, gazing at the father with a disgusted look and asking why do you have to be so dramatic (which I could tell by reading her lips).  Seconds later a truck runs a stop sign and the car spins out, the family is okay, but, they all appear to be shook up, scared and in a state of distress and begin hugging one another.  

Watching modern family with the sound turned on:

For this scene I was pretty much correct except I learned when I watched the show with sound on, the mother was actually asking the person on the phone why they had to be so dramatic, not the father. 

Watching Modern family with the sound turned off: 

In another scene what appeared to be the wife to the driver in the car is at a place of work hugging on another man and they end of leaving and going roller-skating at the beach after she jumps up and down in what looks like a begging manner.  As they are skating they come to two tunnels and the man does not want to enter and tries to turn around the woman appears to be trying to convince him to go through the tunnel. She wins and they go through separate tunnels he comes running out the other side all in a fluster with no skates and appears to be very scared.  

Watching modern family with the sound turned on:

This would be the scene that I was way off on my interpretation of what was going on.  I assumed the mother was at her work and was having an affair with a man at her work.  However this was not the case.  It turned out to be her brother, the one she was yelling at on the phone and it was not her place of employment but his.  She had convinced him to leave his place of work and to go do something with her, something fun as she had almost lost her life in an accident.  She ends up making him skate through the tunnel that he was scared of when he was a child, however, as he exited the tunnel he appeared to still be scared as an adult.  He claims that his skates, tie, and wallet were stolen by a homeless person and that is why he comes running out. 

Watching Modern family with the sound turned off: 

The two girls that appear to be siblings get out of the car after the near accident and decide to walk home.  When the girls get home the one has had a makeover and the other is looking at post on Facebook.

Watching modern family with the sound turned on:

The sisters decide to do something together after the big scare that they just had.  One is a tomboy and the other is not.  So the one want to share how it is to have a makeover and the other shows some of her judo moves. 

Watching Modern family with the sound turned off: 

A boy gets out of the car and walks home as well.  He goes to a different house.  This causes me to assume that he was a friend who went to eat with the family.   He then appears to be telling his parents about the almost accident.  They then go to get in the car to go somewhere and the boy refuses he walks alongside the car, until they convince him to get in.  Once in the car he appears to be scared and jumpy.  He then gets in the driver’s seat to drive and ends up scaring what appears to be his dad as he almost hits a roller skater.  The older gentleman gets out and walks.  

Watching modern family with the sound turned on:        

Manny is afraid to get back in the car and states that he will not get in the car again and that he will never drive after the accident that nearly occurred while he was with his relatives.  His mother and her significant other (an older man) make him get back in the car, although he is afraid and is very jumpy at any noise he hears while in the car.  The older man insist that Manny drive and he does not want to.  The mother says that she spotted the individual who stole her phone previously.  This causes the boy to speed off almost hitting a roller-skater.  The old man gets out of the car and walks as he is now scared to ride in the vehicle. 

Watching Modern family with the sound turned off: 

The final scene the family is in the kitchen all hugging one another.  I assumed that it was because they were all safe at the end of the day.  

Watching modern family with the sound turned on:        

My assumption was correct as they all just needed one big hug, including the older man, which is the wife’s father. 

I believe that my assumptions would have been more correct if I would have been watching a show that I knew well in some cases and in other cases not so much.  For instance, my assumptions were right when I assumed that the family was shook up from the accident and when they decided they would rather walk then ride in the car.  On the other hand, if I would have known that Claire, the wife was not at her place of employment and the man at the work, known as Mitchell, was her brother I more than likely would not have assumed than she was having an affair.  I also feel if I would have known who each person was, I would have had a better understanding as to what was going on.  I think that the correctness of my assumptions is more based on the situations.  Some things are clear where others are not.  Non- verbal communication can tell us a lot.  I believe that when in doubt it is always important to use verbal communication and ask.  It is wrong just to assume things when you clearly have no idea.  Situations are not always what one assumes.  That is why it is important that we communicate with one another instead of always assuming.  

Chosen Communicator

The individual that I feel demonstrates competent communication would be my father.  When he communicates with me or anyone else he always is honest and respectful in conversation. He chooses his words carefully in order to respect all individuals.  He has always told me “that sometimes it is not what you are saying that will upset a person, but, how you go about saying what you have to say”.  These words of wisdom that my father shared with me at a young age causes me too often think through what I need to communicate with others before I actually communicate with them.  For example, when there is a topic that I need to discuss with someone, I will generally write it out and then rehearse it before I actually speak with the individuals.  Too be honest there have been situations that I have called my father so that I can get his honest opinion on the best way to handle the situation.    

I definitely want to follow his communication behaviors as I believe that he offers a fantastic role model when it comes to communicating.  Along with being honest and respectful, he also always takes the time to listen to what others have to say.  Again this shows others that he cares about their opinion and values what they have to say, which definitely ensures that the conversations or exchange of information is far from one sided.  Further, I believe that the skills that I have learned from him over the years have been what has help me to be successful in communicating with the families that I work with on a daily basis.